It's raining. Isn't it beautiful?

Well my ocd kicked in really BIG TIME. I started with cleaning Ms. O' Connel's room to all of Ms. Stzain's (which she will love tomorrow when she see it, SHE BETTER!)
The only part that I did not understand was "why" was I cleaning so much and if someone said something bad about me or my best friends I would take over the bored, which I never do. I felt like a different person. I couldn't control my feelings. Every sound was louder and my heart went faster. I didn't think much of it. Oh was I so Wrong. I know when I started to act different or feel different it's because their is something wrong!!! Man these feelings are never wrong and now they become to the point that they change me, not a lot but you can tell the difference. So yeah Let me get back to my point. So my grandfather (which does not like it when I call him that) is very ill. He has cancer. I've been knowing this for sometime and it hurt me that my mommy doesn't want to talk about. And I Understand her all the way because she hasn't seen her father in 11 years. For the reason that she has been here in the Untied states. Before I get into more detail, I wonder. I wonder how can this beautiful, wonderful country be called "The Land of the free," when in my mamma's eyes I saw pain and a trapped person. A person that has worked her youth away coming here. I've never seen so much pain in her. I know she wants to go back to Colombia, which is not a free country. All the hate, distrust, guns like they are ready for war at anytime, and lack of going outside at night or even in the day without feeling safe. My people have learn to live with all those problem for more then 50 years. A war that is against their own people. But the most painful part about this war is that people do NOT care about it. AND IT IS NOT RIGHT! Both of my grandfathers have been in this war. My father's father lost and died, and my mother's dad not only has over come hat (this) war but now has to fight a new war. Cancer.So is it "The land of the free" I believe so but when you can't see your love one, then it becomes their personal JAIL.
So when my mother looked at me with those eyes and told me "My head hurts, I haven't slepted right, and "mi papa" is very sick and I don't know f his is going to make it." I stayed storng for her. Not one tear, in front of her. Another thing that I saw was age, tried, and given up. But my mother is a fighter, she is so much stronger them me,that's one of the things I love about her. I felt helpless. So I waited for everyone to fall asleep and started to clean my kitchen.With every dish I washed a tear fell down, untell I couldn't take.
And I had to break down. I start to think "who should or can call, this late?" I thought "Jessi but she wont answer because she doesn't take calls this late, I can't call Yvonne she'll get in troble." I knew Sarah was busy. SO I thought Belinda But But I can't this would just hurt her. Because both of her grandmothers died and she is still not over it (which is alright and perfectly fine.) I didn't want to hurt Belinda but before I knew it I was calling her. She picked up. I cried and cried. And told her everything. She helped me so much. Then after we ened over phone call I called Matt and he made me laugh. He's so sweet, I wish the girl that he falls in LOVE with will treat him well. I mean I can talk about anything with him. The best part about him is that he wont make me say something if I don't want to.
So over all I'm sitting here all alone with Luna writing this,and thanking god that nobody saw me and that it rained. The rain made me happy.